Funding Your Dreams, Part Two: How to Ask for Money
In “Funding Your Dreams: Let's Make a Plan,” we learned about Allison and her program called “Hidden Brilliance.” The money part of the project overwhelmed her, so we discussed creating a budget and a fundraising plan. We stressed the benefits of a growth mindset, developing a strategy, and finally, how to ask for money.
This is a deeper dive into asking for money. How does talking about, or asking for, money make you feel? Uneasy? Awkward? Even judged? Many of us feel like that. Asking for help makes us vulnerable; we fear rejection.
I’m going to teach you steps to make these conversations empowering and more effective. You’ll be more able to plan the conversations you want to have and know what to say.
First, let’s begin with why – actually, two whys. The first why is the purpose of your project. What are the valuable outcomes you promise to deliver?
The second why is the reason people give money. They do it because they seek a sense of belonging and want to help create something beyond their own capabilities. You’re inviting co-creators when asking for money. Focus on things you offer that develop your relationship.
What would it be like to not stress over asking for money and instead lead conversations about your why and their why? A conversation of mutual discovery and possibility? Doesn’t this sound better than a fixed, zero-sum “you have money, can I have some?” conversation?
Asking for money comes down to this: “Will you join me in bringing [project] to life?”
ONE: How to Show Up
Before you say a word, your body speaks. Your presence can tell others they are safe and that you are trustworthy. Or not.
People that achieve great things are not necessarily the most articulate or charismatic. Rather, they embody purpose and show up as themselves; words start to flow more easily.
Imagine someone you trust and respect. Someone with integrity that gets things done. What do you observe about their posture, energy, tone of voice?
People like this tend to be focused, not distracted, grounded, not fidgety, engaged but not overpowering. They create a sense of “we” rather that “me.”
Here’s how to practice: Observe yourself around others: How do I show up? How do others feel around me? Do they feel safe? Do they feel connected? Ask a trusted friend to observe you as well.
As you become aware of how you make others feel, you can choose a posture (a presence) that supports open conversations. A great way to become more present is with the intentional breathing and by being grounded.
TWO: How to Create the Right Mood
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
The right conversation in the wrong mood, or emotional state, is still the wrong conversation. How you show up is not just your physical presence, it’s your mood and the emotions you bring with you. If you resent fundraising, others will feel that and pull away.
If you’re anxious or these conversations make you afraid, that’ ok. It means that you care about what you’re doing. You don’t want others to feel that. Practice focusing on three things: what you care about, your breathing, and your posture. Breathe deeply. If you practice mindfulness, this should be familiar. A posture that’s calming for others is grounded: feet anchored to the floor, letting your shoulders drop down.
Seek to be an emotional thermostat rather than a thermometer.
THREE: How to Speak
“The words you speak become the house you live in. ”
Words, like bricks for a house, become a conversation. Conversations build relationships. I want you to think of a conversation like a dance (not a competition). Lead with grace and by asking permission.
Conversations for listening: Whether in an email or during small-talk, begin with an invitation. With, “may I tell you a story?” you’re asking someone to listen. Then, with, “would you tell me about …?” you’re seeking information, insights, or opinions.
Conversations for possibility: If you think there are shared interests, you can (with permission) open a conversation around possibilities. “What would you think about ____?” Or, “would you be interested in seeing ____?” Or, “what would it be like if ____?”
Conversations for action: Here is where you may request help. Find a balance between being clear and direct, and not overbearing. Be incremental: what’s the next step (not leap) in the conversation? Have you made them aware of your project? Are they interested and see its value? If you’ve answered “yes” so far, do they know what kind of help you need to bring the project to life? If not, ask, “may I tell you about the help we need to make this happen?”
Once you describe what you need, people may offer help directly, they may offer suggestions, or they might say they can’t help. If they don’t, make a direct ask: “Will you join me in bringing [project] to life?” The emphasis here is on “join me” to cultivate belonging and membership.
If they say yes, they want to join and your need is money, ask “Would you be willing to help with a contribution of $ ____?”
Respond to No: You may not always get what you want. However, focus on learning – what are they interested in and what do they value. If you just ask for money and they say no, you haven’t built on your relationship. A “no” is ok if you’ve learned something.
Thank You: Never forget gratitude.
Who to Ask
By adopting a growth mindset, you come to realize that you can invite anyone to a conversation about your work. The dance might not lead to help in the form of money right now. But you might gain an audience member, or you might get a valuable introduction.
You grow your network incrementally – from awareness to interest to engagement. Each step is a genuine conversation. We overstep when we think only on what we want (or too far ahead). This is not to say it takes a long time to build relationships (though it might). Progress from awareness to action can occur in a single meeting.
Focus on the process of building these relationships. Cultivate a sense of belonging. Get to know people and what they care about: their commitments and capabilities. Ask how people want to be recognized and thanked for their help. And be thoughtful and creative in how you can reciprocate.
Lastly, remember that people in your network can help you with introductions. The best introductions come from those who fully understand your vision and your needs.
Practice, Practice, Practice:
“Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the bones.”
There’s no shortcut or magic bullet here. As you practice these things, you begin to embody the skills that will make asking for help more comfortable for you – and for others. And you’ll build relationships and networks of help.
Think about gaps in your learning and how you can practice every day. Perhaps you think that you become too anxious or stiff during difficult conversations – or perhaps too loose and casual. Practice postures and breathing that make others feel safe and comfortable. Do this in low-key situations – with your family or partner – at the store – even on phone calls.
Ask for help and feedback. “I’m practicing being more present during conversations, can you tell me when you feel I’m not?”
“Funding Your Dreams” is a series of posts about the financial side of music and concert production. Stay tuned to hear more from Tad about this seemingly tricky, but actually manageable, subject matter.
What’s Next:
Leading and organizing
Institutional money
Budgeting and number-crunching