6 Tips for Balancing Home and Work Life as a Professional Musician
Written by Grace Hong
Some people tell me that I am a superwoman or supermom, as I put on multiple hats throughout a day. Do I agree with that title? Maybe... (Maybe is the problem.) I am the oboist of Fifth House Ensemble, a freelancer, teacher, wife, daughter and a mother. I get asked a lot about balancing work and life from young musicians, especially during our Fresh Inc Festival, which happens every summer for 2 weeks with participants coming from all over the world. Some of the participants are newly married, thinking about starting a family, or already have a family and struggle to find the perfect balance between work and life. I really wish I could tell them, “here are the list of things you need to do and you will have a perfectly balanced life,” but it is not that simple. I do not have a black and white answer. The answer to this question changes depend on the current stage of your life, so this post is from a working mom who has two beautiful children, 5 and 3, sharing a few things I’ve learned while juggling work and life.
Don’t be a Superhero. I know everyone wants to be a superhero when it comes to family and work. You think you can do everything for everyone, but the reality is that you want to do everything but can’t. You often find yourself with a long list of things you need to accomplish in a day, and when the day comes to an end, you realize you couldn’t scratch out everything on your list, you get stressed, and you start beating yourself up inside. You just need to acknowledge that you are not a superhero. You can’t do everything for everyone.
Ask for help if needed. Once you figure out you are not a superhero, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It could be your parents, partner, friends, or even your child who will make your life a bit easier. We all know it’s not easy to ask for help because it feels like you are a failure and weak, but that’s not true.
Know your priorities. Set your priorities so you can get important things done first. You have to make decisions about what you are going to put on top of your list. Sometimes it could be work related things, and other times it could be family related things. Whichever choice you make, you will be sacrificing one thing for another (at least it’s going to feel like that, but it’s OKAY).
Try to find a time for yourself. Even if it’s only 5 minutes, you can dance to your favorite music, or have a cup of coffee. It is very important to connect with yourself.
Don’t let guilt overpower you! This one is the hardest one for me. I am full of guilt all the time, either mommy guilt or work guilt. You need to constantly remind yourself that you are doing everything you can at the moment and you made the right choice.
Know that you are not alone. Sometimes you look at someone and think that person looks so accomplished at work and look so peaceful and balanced with all the pictures of their beautiful/fun family activities posted on social media. It makes you wonder if you are the only one struggling to find the perfect balance between work and life. In my opinion, if someone says “I have a perfectly balanced life,” that is a lie! Nobody is perfect and everyone is juggling multiple things in life to make the best out of it.
Ever since I became a mother, my life changed so much, especially with my work. I no longer had time to practice or make reeds during the day. There was no time for myself, and because of all this, I was living in a constant fear of getting behind other people in work. As I was getting used to my new life, I had to find and develop a new way to stay on top of my work. I was making reeds after midnight and learning to make them quickly, practicing in my closet after everyone went to bed, etc. It was and still is very exhausting, but that’s the life I choose. I’m happy to sacrifice a few hours of sleep. Now that my kids are little bit older, I can practice during the day for a little bit, but first I have to play as many nursery rhymes as my kids ask me to play on the oboe. Then I start practicing my music and probably hear “MOMMY!” a hundred times in an hour.
When I am in a rehearsal or concert on a beautiful day, I am filled with mom guilt that I can’t take my kids to the park because I am working. When I am having a great day with my kids, somewhere in my mind, I am filled with work guilt that I am not filling my reed case with reeds.
I am not sure if I will ever be completely free from any sort of guilt, but I am happy and grateful and will continue to keep juggling many different things in my life.
Happy Thanksgiving and happy juggling, everyone!