The Gift of Being Seen: Reflecting on "Earn Your Wings"

Melissa Ngan, right, in partnership with the San Francisco Opera (November 2019)

Last month, I was in San Francisco to wrap up our second phase of work with the San Francisco Opera.

On the way back to my hotel, I meet a gentleman on Market street. I meet his eye and smile. He gets a shocked look on his face, walks over and says, "Hey listen, I'm not here to ask you for money - I just wanted to say thank you. You're only the 3rd person to look in my direction today and acknowledge me, and you have no idea what that means. I'm serious - you've already helped me so much."

We had a nice chat, I learned that he had connected himself to a social worker at a local library who was helping him to take his next steps, and that he had saved enough in the last few weeks to purchase a cell phone, which was helping him with his job search. He told me about his experiences waiting in lines for free meals, and for shelter beds; those hours cutting into the time he could be spending supporting himself. I connected him to a couple of organizations within a few blocks that could be helpful; we shook hands and parted ways.

Through Fifth House Ensemble’s creative partnership with the San Francisco Opera, we have helped the company to form long-term relationships with two organizations supporting people and families experiencing homelessness in the Bay Area: Compass Family Services and Community Housing Partnership. The work has resulted in two seasons of a new initiative called Earn Your Wings, which connects learnings from our partners to themes explored on the main stage, inviting opera-goers to learn more about their neighbors’ stories and offer support. The San Francisco Opera has also recently launched its new Department of Diversity, Equity, and Community, and has made a historic hire in its next music director, Eun Sun Kim. It’s an exciting time for the company, and we’re honored to support this work.

Of the many lessons we’ve learned from our two partners on this project, this may be the most surprising and important: many of us don't realize that people experiencing homelessness might go days, weeks, or months without human contact. We often wonder what we can do to help; and our thoughts turn first to volunteering, financial support, goods, advocacy, and many other highly important ways to invest our time and resources.

And yet, it’s important for us to consider that offering the gift of being seen can be one of the most life-affirming, and indeed life-saving, things we can do.

While technology connects us in unprecedented ways, we walk through our lives intentionally filtering and disconnecting ourselves from one another by actions as simple as averting our eyes as we pass on the street. This week, try actively fighting that impulse by meeting the gaze of other people as they walk by, and perhaps offering a smile or a greeting. For those using the street as a means of getting from place to place, you’ll likely make their day better in a small, yet noticed way. For those using the street as a temporary respite, you could be offering a lifeline in ways you will never be able to fully see or recognize.

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From Community Housing Partnership, here’s a guide for what to do when you see someone experiencing homelessness. You can also download the guide directly here.