Dresses and Parties

Tell us about a time you were being carefully watched, or a time you were stuck somewhere you didn’t like.  How was everyone else acting? What did you do?

"And so, it made me think of, umm, my Grandma was a politician, and my dad’s a lawyer, and my mom’s a teacher and so we have to go to all these like events with people, and I am…umm for the most part to myself, and I am a writer, and I am a tomboy and I’d like rather go out and play in the mud than put on a dress and everything.

So, when I was little I had to go to all these events at city hall and the mayor’s house, and things that I didn’t really like, but I had to, and I had to put on dresses with lace and bows and stuff that I hated.

And my family, they would always have the conversation with me, because they were at least aware enough, that this was not what I liked, and they knew it, and they would talk, and if I was not really, like, really comfortable with something then they would like give me a babysitter and I could stay home.

But I also knew that it meant a lot to family, to be there as a family, to be there at these events so I would put myself through these things, and I would get dressed up and deal with people, who, strangers who would pinch my face and things like that. So, I was never comfortable there, but I’d put on that show without actually realizing, being a little kid I never really knew that I was putting on this act because it looked good for my family, and it looked good for what my family was doing for our neighborhood and the things they wanted to do.

So I spent a lot of time there, like, in a corner writing on napkins and things like that, and not actually interacting with the people until it came to the time to be dragged to the people. People would always come find me and want to ask questions and want to talk to me and all I ever thought was, I’m a kid. If you want to ask something, ask my parents, and so I spent a lot of my childhood umm, playing the part of someone else. And my family never made me or never asked me to, I always had the option but I didn’t because I thought it was, umm, what I should do because my family’s always been very supportive of me, umm, and my career.

And, I’ve been writing since I was eight. Writing and performing professionally since I was eight, with different ensembles and traveling, and so, my family is dedicated to helping my craft. And I used to take dance classes because I am a performer, a playwright, so my family has spent a lot of time, umm, giving me tools to be the person I am now, come do things like this.

So I was like, sure, I’ll put on these bows and this lace and be this person even though I absolutely hate being this person. Umm, so, there’s like a part of me that really hated that being watched. You know, unless I’m on stage, I don’t really like being watched, you know, it's not really my thing. Umm, and then there’s the people that because they thought I was this person they would want to reach out to me and, like, wanted to email me things, and, so, it's just like, how do you, that question made me think of the different acts we put on. You know, you are a different when you're around your teachers, around your boss, around your co-workers, around your family different acts, and it made me think of the different conversations we just had, like, what are the different acts you put on every day and who are the people watching you?”